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[Sep. 23rd, 2019|09:26 am] |
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| jordanygoodness@twitter |
[Nov. 19th, 2009|02:02 pm] |
...and sniffs from strange dogs.
10 minutes ago from text
I love my job, but I'd love it even more if I didn't smell like wet dog afterward. I'm starting to get looks from folks in the subway.
15 minutes ago from txt
A girl came in to pick up her chihuahua this morning with a glittery Twilight shirt and fake plastic fangs. Damn.
about 4 hours ago from txt
@BAMBAMBeckett Got your postcard today! Oh, and I saw a hobo who looked like your brother.
3:45pm Nov 17th from web
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| 18 - The Evil Eye |
[Oct. 29th, 2009|07:57 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  uncomfortable | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Ten Dead Dogs || Wild Sweet Orange | ] |
I'm so many things right now. I'm quieter than usual. I'm not sleeping the way I should. I'm not in the mood to go to class. I'm considering calling in to work. I'm cold all the time, so I've been trying to drink tea like Nolan always does, but it's not warming me up and it's just making me have to use the bathroom all the time.
( Private )
I just feel stupid thinking about myself at all right now. It feels stupid to worry about what I'm going to eat for lunch, or how I'm going to get to work. I don't know what that douchebag looks like who took EB, but if I ever meet him, I'm going to kill him. No. I'll hold him down so Hannah can kill him. She deserves the first crack. But, because I don't know what he looks like, I keep giving the evil eye to every guy who looks at me funny. And people wonder why I haven't had many dates in awhile. |
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[Oct. 24th, 2009|05:51 pm] |
( Private )
My friend Carley just texted me and suggested a genius combination of ShamWow and Snuggie. That way, if you spill something on the table or on the kitchen floor, you can just put on the SnugWow and slide across the floor to clean up the mess.
Apparently, coordinating my Halloween costume with a kidlet is all the rage this year. Little D is going to be Superman, so I'm going to match. I don't think that's lame at all. Forget it, man... I am going to be the most amazing Wonder Woman this city has ever seen. |
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| jordanygoodness@twitter |
[Oct. 19th, 2009|10:07 pm] |
NYC social pariah no more. Guess who has a date for Saturday night?
14 minutes ago from txt
I don't care how little there is on TV. I am NEVER going to watch Ghost Rider. There is only so much bad Nicholas Cage hair I can take.
about 4 hours ago from web
Imma get-get-get-getchoo drunk. Getchoo love-drunk off my humps.
1:14am Oct 18th from txt
Lesley still thinks we're friends. Apparently tonight is karaoke night and I'm invited? Okay, then.
6:28pm Oct 17th from txt |
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| 17 - Befriending Killer Whales. |
[Oct. 15th, 2009|01:28 pm] |
Last night, I was sitting in 'my room' (aka Hannah's guest room -- I'll be out of her hair soon, I swear, but her kids are so adorable and sometimes it's nice to not be alone) doing some reading for one of my Bio classes. The unit we're working on is Marine Biology. It's a sophomore level class, an a la carte sort of thing supposedly for students deciding what they want their focus to be as Biology majors. I've already decided what I want to do, and Marine Bio isn't it, but I didn't get a good enough grade the first time I took this class, so I'm trying to improve my grade by taking it over. Now that was a lesson in swallowing pride for Jordan McQueen, I'll tell you.
There are so many similarities between orcas and dolphins that orcas are considered to be indistinguishable from the dolphin family. I used to think that orcas even ate dolphins, but it turns out that sometimes dolphins have even been known to befriend killer whales.
I don't know if I could ever be a Marine Biologist, mostly because I tend to get a little sad when I see orcas. Beautiful animals, my mother's favorite. You know how Free Willy makes most people cry? I can't even watch it. Just thinking about it puts me into hysterics. I was really young when my parents died, but not too young to remember that they were mine. I call Nolan's parents Mom and Dad, and I do it because they've been my parents for the majority of my life, but I can't forget the people who brought me into this world.
Doing homework doesn't always make me cry. That is not why my academic career has suffered. I think, between the orcas and the time of year it is when it starts to get cold and people wear sweaters and blankets that feel like something great big is hugging them, and the weather gets a little more gray and people sometimes feel a bit sad... that, plus reading blogs of my friends who are doing some serious navel-gazing about ideas of life and death, it just tends to overwhelm.
Maybe I could watch a Disney movie with EB to cheer myself up. Maybe one of the deliriously happy ones where people don't die. ENCHANTED. We're watching Enchanted. |
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| 16 - Déjà Vu |
[Sep. 17th, 2009|05:37 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  thoughtful | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | In Between Days || The Cure | ] |
Come back, come back, don't walk away | Come back, come back, come back today.
Being back in New York is strange.
It's strange in this déjà vu sort of way. I went on campus the other day and instantly knew right where I was going. I needed to check in with the registrar, and finish up a bunch of paperwork, plus confirm my class schedule. I didn't get all the classes I wanted this semester, because of all the traditional students who registered in the spring. But I got two of the four, plus a few electives that should be interesting. Part of me is so reluctant to have a schedule again, even though I know that not having a schedule has lead to boredom so great it makes me want to stick pins in my eyes. Ultimately, something to structure my time will be a good thing. It'll make the times that I get to lounge around in bed until two o'clock feel THAT much sweeter.
It's strange because everything's familiar. It's the same as when I left, except that despite as much as I'd like to believe that time stood still while I scurried away under my parents' rug to 'find myself' again, I know that a city as dynamic as this one never sleeps, let alone stays the same. A lot of the people I knew while I was here have moved on. They won't be in any of my classes (which is a good thing), and a lot of them are two and a half semesters ahead of me now, which means they're on their biology fellowships and whatnot, if they didn't graduate already. It's almost like a clean slate. I'm still a twenty-five year old junior, but I kinda feel like that's okay.
It's strange because everything's different. I went to my brother's new house on Sunday. He has the tinest, cutest little run-down house in Queens. It's funny to see him in a house instead of an apartment. I saw his new 'Stop, which is so much more upscale than the one in Seattle (and we're talking upscale -- for a convenience store -- not the Taj Mahal). I remember him telling me that they did all kinds of renovations and things when he first started working there. But Nolan is so funny. Not humorous, but funny because he's different, too. He's always been this apathetic loser, but now he seems happier. I can't put my thumb down on any one thing that makes him that way, but that's the impression that I get. You know how they say that pregnant women get this 'glow' about them, making them radiant and beautiful? My brother is NOT like a pregnant woman, but he's different, too.
Maybe I'll be different here. Maybe I'll be less of a loser. Maybe I'll be less of a kissing slut. Maybe I won't be that girl who goes head over heels for a stupid guy.
And maybe a flock of flying monkeys will fly out of my ass. |
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| 15 - Superfreak |
[Aug. 23rd, 2009|10:27 pm] |
I'm doing the freak-out thing. The thing where I second-guess all the decisions I've made lately. Like, my re-acceptance at NYU and The Move and everything...
I've already resigned from PetSmart, and my pervy boss was super bummed. He told me he was sad to see me go.
I think... maybe I'm a bit sad to see me go. Not really the job, but Tacoma I think. But I've got nothing but idle hands when I'm not at work, and my parents are driving me crazy. Still.
Compared to the Nichols' family basement, New York is fucking HUGE. |
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[Jul. 21st, 2009|05:28 pm] |
There was just an ad above my MySpace that said 'Click to find out what you smell like to Edward Cullen!!!'
What. The. Fuck. |
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| 11 - Even At Twenty-Five, You Gotta Start Sometime. |
[Apr. 23rd, 2009|02:03 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | contemplative | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | The Show || Lenka | ] |
I'm just a little bit caught in the middle, life is a maze and love is a riddle.
My job at PetCo isn't going so badly after all. Really, it's okay. Besides, I get to play with puppies that need baths and brush them. Some of them are little shits, and my arms are all scratched up from little claws and bite marks. But a lot of times, I like working with animals more than I ever cared for working with people. Hopefully if I ever get my degree in Biology, I can work with them all the time.
Speaking of my degree, I've been on the phone with a few college reps lately. I was on the phone with a woman at UW who was reviewing my transcripts. I guess I'm old enough to be considered a 'non-traditional' student, but we all knew that anyway, didn't we? I didn't get started on college until most of my friends I graduated high school with were graduating from college.
Next Tuesday I'll be twenty-five, and I'm still technically only a college Junior. I've got a year and a half of school to go, if I ever manage to make it back. Okay, and I'll admit it. I was going to make this part private, but fuck it. I've been talking with the folks at NYU, too. Of course my credits are still good, and it would be really easy to jump right back into the program that I already started. Plus, Nolan is there, and Hannah, so I wouldn't be by myself and if Michael tries anything stalkery or awful, BOTH of them would beat the shit out of him. There's just not a lot of reasons to stick around Tacoma anymore, especially since Beckett and Ronan are going on their whirlwind adventure for a whole year. Wow.
I guess... I'm starting to feel like when you get to a certain point in your life, you can't rely on other people to create and maintain happiness for you. In high school, I always had friends around, and I kind of started to feel like we'd always be friends forever. Well, besides Beckett and Christian, who do I really even talk to still? And then college? The time I had in college it was kind of like high school for big kids -- except that most of the friends I had at NYU have forgotten about me, or they weren't really friends at all, just rumor-whores and gossip mills. There are only a few people in this world who I know I can count on, and I have to admit that they won't ever all be in some conveniently central location.
I don't know if I'm a strong enough person to really stand on my own yet. That's why I moved back from New York when things got too tough to deal with -- because I discovered that I didn't have anyone there. None of the people I knew were really what you would call 'shoulders to cry on'. So I left. I went home to my parents and my brother and Beckett, people I needed.
I figure I have two options : 1) Stick around Tacoma/Seattle, go to UW and force myself to make new friends, or 2) Go back to New York, start back up at NYU, and use my brother and his friends as a bit of a crutch to give me one last push towards being able to be sturdy and strong like I thought I used to be.
I've still got some time to think about it. UW has accepted me, and NYU says I have until June 1st to give them a definite answer in order to enroll in classes before the incoming freshmen orientations start. |
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| 09 - Not A Fan. |
[Feb. 26th, 2009|11:23 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | uncomfortable | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Love Story || Taylor Swift | ] |
How do I loathe thee? Let me count the ways.
My mom got me a job working with her aunt at a PetCo in the grooming department. So basically I smell like wet dog constantly, which is more attractive and sexy than you can even imagine. Really. Be glad your computer screen isn't scratch and sniff. I'm really glad to have the job, though... Nolan keeps telling me that they need more help at his store, but seriously? I worked there in high school for almost a year (the manager wouldn't give me time off for Spring Break so I had to quit -- you understand) -- I did my time, and I'd really like to not have to go back, if at all possible. Mom says that we live in times of recession, so I shouldn't turn my nose up at jobs that I feel are 'beneath' me. That's totally not what I was saying at all. I don't think working at Nolan's store is beneath me, but I didn't want him to be my boss.
Oh, but then -- get this -- Mom tells me that Nolan probably wouldn't be my boss there. I looked at her like she just sprouted a unicorn horn out the top of her head, because the idea of my brother quitting the Short Stop is just as unrealistic. I mean, he's worked there for... practically forever. Almost as long as he's been my brother.
Right. Well apparently he's got this idea in his head that he's going to go out to New York and help open up a new store. Like the Short Stop has suddenly become some big-deal franchise and he's the MVP. It's probably so he can be closer to Hannah To this, of course, I give a hearty 'WTF'. I mean. My brother never goes ANYWHERE, and now he's thinking of moving to NEW YORK of all places. So that's why the 'Stop is hiring. Because Nolan and that one girl who works there are both leaving. What the fuck ever. Maybe they're like rats fleeing a sinking ship. They did get robbed earlier this month. Maybe the whole place is tanking like the rest of Seattle's shitty economy.
The nerve of that asshat. Leaving me all alone to survive my parents, to figure out what I'm going to do next, figure out my fucking life. God, I hate him. I hate him so fucking much. |
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| 08 - PMS. |
[Jan. 27th, 2009|09:11 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  apathetic | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Sunday Morning || Lily Allen | ] |
Digging myself out of a hole would be easier if someone would hand me a shovel.
If men could have PMS, I'd swear my dad came home with it the other day. He and my mom own their own photography studio, right? Well, I guess they had a client come back in to tell them just how dissatisfied they were with the work. My dad doesn't take criticism well, and he kind of took it out on my mom. He can't take criticism, and he can't take responsibility when something goes wrong. I imagine they were bickering the entire way home from the studio, and it carried on for the rest of the evening.
I made the mistake of trying to make a nice gesture and cooking dinner. I completely forgot that my dad is still going on that annual New Year diet he starts every January. So my chicken broccoli casserole with mushroom sauce didn't go over so well, because the sauce was loaded with fat. (Yummy, yummy, delicious fat). He refused to eat it, was rude to me on top of that, then sulked off to the den for the rest of the night. I think he might have slept there.
I really shouldn't take things like that personally. I know he was upset about something else entirely. But I can't stand it when people take their shit out on me. God, didn't I used to be a bit less of a wuss? I've never been afraid to speak my mind in my own house before, but I really don't feel my dad wants to listen to a thing I have to say, because I still won't talk about why I left school.
Mom isn't trying to be a peacemaker, she's ignoring the problem completely. Instead, she keeps slipping pamphlets under my door for Washington schools. She taped a WashU flyer to my bathroom mirror, and highlighted some of their undergrad programs for Biology. I know she means well, and actually, it's pretty helpful -- but the overwhelming vibe is more of a get out of my house kind of feeling.
Maybe I just need to put one foot in front of the other. No wonder my mom's acting this way. She had two grown children out of the house for years before I showed back up. |
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| 07 - Warm Fuzzy Christmas |
[Dec. 26th, 2008|08:58 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  loved | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Home Alone on TV | ] |
I love love love love snow, especially when I have no car and have no place to go! My brother's getting tired of towing me around to place... to the store, all that stuff. My dad has been dragging me on Christmas errands, my mom's had me baking (for anyone who doesn't know, I'm horrible at baking. Even my cookies are ugly ugly ugly. But the cookie dough is good, and spending time with my mom is also good.
After spending a few months not being myself, being standoffish and just... mopey.... I've managed to get wrapped up with Christmas spirit, and it feels really good.
Christmas always makes me feel so close to my family. My brother, big ol' pile of sarcasm that he is, is even good-hearted around Christmas. He didn't even seem to mind much when I woke him up with a snowball to the face yesterday morning. He tackled me and dumped me in the snow drift out front at the end of our driveway, which I totally deserved. But you should've seen him fall on his happy ass on the icy driveway. Ha! It was hilarious.
But moving around as a household unit, way more smoothly than we ever did when we all lived under one roof, it's kind of bizarre. It's a good way, though. It makes me remember the way things used to be, and that at this time of year, traditions overtake whatever else is going on in our crazy lives. I know New Year's Eve is still a week away, but I think I've already decided on a resolution. I want to figure out a direction to point my life in. I want to get a job, move out of my parents' house again, and take back my life. Yeah. That might be hard, but I want to do it. I have to do it, and soon. |
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| 06 - Sparkle!Vamps |
[Dec. 9th, 2008|03:17 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | content | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | The Lucky Ones || Tim Myers | ] |
Lately, I'm getting better.
So I managed to get my brother convinced that I wasn't staying at NYU. He thinks it's a shame that I worked so hard to get into college, especially a really prestigious school like that, only to throw it all away. I kind of want to tell him about why I left. Maybe now that we're not in New York anymore, it's safe. I mean, as much as I hate Michael, I wouldn't wish Nolan in 'Protective Brother Mode' on anyone. He'd probably pound the guy into hamburger meat.
I need a job. I'm content living with my parents in Tacoma for now, but eventually I think I'd like to go back to school. I just sorta need some time to decompress, to get used to living in this time zone again. I've been here for a couple of months, but I haven't lived here in almost two years -- it just made sense to stay in New York over the summer. Why move all my stuff back home, just to get some dumb job working at a gas station like my brother, when there are plenty of crappy jobs and crappy little apartments in the city?
I grew up here, though. You wouldn't think it'd be that hard to get used to. The thing that really starts to get me is the overcast weather. That was one thing I never missed. I can just... feel myself getting paler, you know? Like some kind of vampire... and not the glittery sparkly Twilight kind, either.
Yes, I'll admit it. I've had some time on my hands since coming home, and I've actually read the books. Well, the first two and a half. They're not bad. Well, they are pretty bad. I feel guilty that I let myself get so into something that's thinly-veiled vampire porn disguised somehow with a bit of horror and action. I did go to see the movie, too. I snuck off to see it by myself. I think the guy who played Edward is pretty good-looking, but he doesn't look seventeen. He looks closer to my age, and he was way hotter with his British accent in Harry Potter anyway. And I wasn't impressed with the girl who played Bella.
The thing is, I'm feeling better. I feel a lot better knowing that I won't ever have to see Michael again... and actually, I'm pretty glad to be surrounded by my family right now. |
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| 05 - Scarlet Letter |
[Nov. 9th, 2008|12:00 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  anxious | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | To Be Alone With You || Sufjan Stevens | ] |
[Friends Only]
When I initially pulled up this window, I was pissed. I was going to write about how much I hate my brother and that I think he's a rat bastard for making me go back to New York. God, I just hate it when people do things like that to me. He bought tickets already. With his own money. A ticket for me, and one for him, too. So it's good that I don't have to go alone, but... I still wish I didn't have to go at all.
I don't really want to go back to campus with my failure face on. Everybody knows me as the girl who screwed Professor Winters, and I just know they'll be looking at me like that chick in the Scarlet Letter with the big red A on her shirt. Except I'll have this big red S for SLUT on my forehead. Judgemental, gossipy bitches.
But, something about the fact that Nolan's going with me makes me feel safe. I can hide behind him if I need to -- he's a pretty big dude. Plus, he's the same age as Michael, so if it happens that we run into him on campus -- which, if it happens I will probably die and he'll have to carry my corpse back to Washington -- then maybe Nolan can kill hiim for me, or at least punch him.
Oh God. He's the same age as Michael. What if... what if people think that Nolan's my latest old-man conquest?!?
Oh, fuck. |
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| 04 - It's Okay To Look! |
[Oct. 29th, 2008|10:26 pm] |
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Seriously, somebody shoot me. Shoot me in the fucking head and drag me into the woods.
I've been watching television all afternoon, watching Top Model-- some cycle that I've seen before. I know the bitchy girl doesn't win, which always makes me happy. But they have all the worst commercials. Ones for diet shakes and slutty perfume ads. Or, my personal favorite, the endless ads for Match.com that tell you..."It's Okay To Look!"
Fuck me, I looked. Seriously. I looked and I saw cute guys and it almost made me want to throw up. It really didn't make me feel any better about myself. In fact, it just made me feel pathetic and stupid. |
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| 03 - The Pursuit of Pretzel Sticks |
[Oct. 19th, 2008|07:14 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  blah | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Paper Bag || Fiona Apple | ] |
I managed to collect myself enough to get out of the house and go into the city. It wasn't easy, but there's only so much effort that can be expended sitting around the house. Eventually, it gets tiresome and boring, and eventually I get hungry and dirty and in dire need of a shower. And eventually, we were going to run out of yogurt, if it's the only thing I was going to keep eating. That, and pretzel sticks. My dad'll be pissed if he finds out his favorite football snack has been relocated from the pantry to Jordan's belly.
So I left the house. It wasn't anything major. I didn't go into the city or anything, but I did go to the park. I went to the park and sat on a bench and read Jane Austen while trying very hard not to think about anything remotely related to Anthropology.
Mom keeps telling me that I need to make some decision soon about whether I'm going back to NYU. She keeps telling me that she or Dad could fly out there with me, help me pack up all my stuff and mail it out here if I want to move back home. I haven't decided yet. I don't feel like I can go back there, really. I guess I have until the end of the semester to make up my mind. After that, they'll be wanting my stupid dorm room to rent out to another student.
Screw it. I don't think there's anything in that room I couldn't live without. |
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[Oct. 2nd, 2008|08:35 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | embarrassed | ] |
Who: Jordan and Beckett
What: Getting Jordan to stop hiding from the world
When: afternoonish
Where: Jordan's parents' house, Tacoma.
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